“Well, I never liked Doctor Who anyway”, cries Conservative child

15th February 2010 • Blog Post by Jonathan Capps •

The Kandy Man, yesterday

Yesterday, The Daily Telegraph revealed the shocking lefty campaign to ‘infiltrate’ Doctor Who (that most conservative of all British institutions) with vile swipes at our good lady Thatcher.  Of course, the anti-Thatcher themes were well known to almost every single disgusting Doctor Who fan prior to Sunday, but it was about time middle England learned of this chilling plot.

Today, The Telegraph’s resident foetus, Will Heaven, has waded in with his own razor sharp analysis of the situation, making the bold claim that Doctor Who is actually shit, anyway.  Will goes on to boldly challenge Doctor Who‘s status as the BBC’s flagship program, claiming consistently high ratings and critical acclaim don’t count because he’s decided the rest of British TV is shit.  Poor old Will Heaven just doesn’t understand why all these freaky fantasists continue to watch a show which is clearly cheap tat with no appeal to the all mighty WILL HEAVEN.

Just so you’re aware, though, Will Heaven is a cultured man and not a clueless prick.  Oh no.  Tennant is definitely a fantastic actor because Will Heaven has cast his discerning eye over Hamlet and declared it so.  Will Heaven also likes The West Wing and apparently believes its existence (among other “US DVDs” probably including The Wire, the trendy shitbag) completely negates the need to watch Doctor Who.

So, I hope you’ve all had a good long look at yourselves, because Will Heaven thinks you’re a cunt.

Jonathan Capps‘ name translates in the old Draconian tongue as “The Oncoming Storm”. Curiously enough, when spelled out backwards, it translates in Kaled as “Gobby Northerner Who Likes Sandwiches”.

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8 Responses

  1. “Keep airing Doctor Who until the end of time”

    Fuck you Heaven

  2. Seb Patrick

    It’s only airing until The End of Time? Has the Moffat series been cancelled?

  3. Jonathan Capps

    DO NOT QUESTION WILL HEAVEN.

  4. Will Heaven sounds like the name of a 70s detective.

  5. Phil1034

    They had Andrew Cartmel on yesterdays Newsnight. Crazy!

  6. >They had Andrew Cartmel on yesterdays Newsnight. Crazy!

    That’s already more publicity than The Happiness Patrol got at the time.

  7. Jonathan Capps

    It was completely ludicrous, wasn’t it? At least they were calling it “satire” rather than pretending it was a LEFTY COUP ATTEMPT, but then there was lots of confused talk about the BBC being impartial, suggesting satire isn’t even allowed, which is patently bollocks.

  8. The Face of Po

    > … remained a secret to all but Doctor Who insiders

    I know the audience figures were poor, but I hadn’t realised that watching the show was enough to make one an “insider”.

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